Week 12

Dear friends,

    This week I learned in the class about divorce and remarriage. Remarriage is something which is a very challenging and unexpected thought in my community I had grown up. People very rarely get remarried, mostly the reason would be the sudden death of the partner. Even in such conditions very few people only get remarried if they have younger kids who need the support. Mostly even in such conditions people don't get married. One such example is my mother. When my father had passed away from his mortal life, I was just 14 years old. Even in such an alone situation, my mother focused on living without our father and taking care of children. This is due to the community and traditional influence which had a great impact on her. What goes around us might have greater influence sometimes than we have in mind. 

    According to the statistics based in the US I had learned in the class, that 70 percent of people were very satisfied in their relationship after 5 years of their marriage. Around 30 percent of other people might be very unsatisfied in their relation. After two years of divorce, most of them feel regret for the decision. Even in this divorced couples who get re-married with other partners and where children are involved get mostly failed in their relation. The statistics say it is around 62 percent. This is making my heart feel very sad for the children and their life. Those small children were innocent, due to poor decisions, relationship challenges, misunderstandings, and high expectations of the parents the children's early life was left miserable.

    When can the life partner get a divorce? According to the California court, divorce can be given based on 4 A's. They are Adultery, Abuse, Addiction and Abandon (absence). So if the partners didn't have any children by that time then it might have gone for easy separation, but if there are children then what would happen to the children? The children will be in shared custody or physical custody or legal custody based on the parent's social, mental and economical stature.

    Typically a marriage in the US ends up in divorce mostly after or in between 2-5 years of the marriage. The biggest cause that my professor had told us is selfishness. Especially for the people who get married in the late '30s. This is because they are unable to blend in with the family and circumstances. I want to share something with the current generation. Especially the current young generation is probably consuming 100 times more media than the older generation, ending up with less socialization and more in social media or technology. This increases the gap in social networks in real-world relations. This is one of the foundation problems in establishing good communication for this generation. I feel there will be very few writers, scholars and poets in the future since the world is slightly tending away from clear language, traditions, customs and rituals. These are just my thoughts.

    Marriage is like standing on a  downward escalator. If we try to move on and build the relation then it will be smooth and clear, but if we keep distances and increase misunderstandings it will long time to get normalcy. In general, it will take around two years to reach a sense of normalcy in a  marriage. 62percent of spouses keep their marriage forgiving the other and the past transgressions including having sexual relations beyond their marriage. (If the guilty was openly shared the truth and repented of the past transgressions of that problem)

If you feel your married relationship is in trouble keep your finances separate. Keep in contact with your good friends and family to get enough support if something goes wrong. Be careful with stupid people who want to make your life miserable. They might plant bad thoughts and disturb you and keep you in trouble. The best thing is to be clear and see the things happening around in the big picture and be wise. Consult a good professional marriage counselor in case of any challenges in the marriage. All my thoughts and ideas are originated from the class. It doesn't have any obligation to follow or do the things I had told. I am not responsible for the consequences. Be wise and be happy.

This is the last week of the class. I am very grateful for the opportunity to share with you my thoughts, and ideas-driven from my class in this semester through this blog. I am thankful to my professor for his wonderful teachings and ideas.

-Srikanth